My heart has been aching this past month. I was dreading today, the one year mark since I left my marriage -- since everything started changing. I wanted something to focus on that was anything but this dreaded anniversary. Then two weeks ago I saw a post on Facebook for a dog in urgent need of a foster home. I mean it when I say this little dog found me right when I needed him most and he has taught me some powerful lessons in our short time together.
Haze is blind, and because his vision is lost, he demands my full presence. My mind doesn’t wander with him, my eye stays trained on his every move, making sure he's safe. At first I was nervous about bringing a blind dog into my home, but it has been such a joy to watch how he navigates the world. How he runs so free, unaware of all that could harm him. How he plays with Bonnie and Eva, each nearly ten times his size, digging his snout into their chests, trying to herd them. How he sleeps so peacefully and deeply that you have to flop his body around and pat his nose to tell him you’re trying to wake him.
As his foster, I've understood that I am only a stop along his way to his new family. Soon everything will go back to normal, and ah what beautiful words to say, “back to normal.” Because in one year’s time, everything about my life has radically changed, but I’ve also found my equilibrium, my “normal.”
Haze will leave my home tomorrow, but I will cherish my memories with him, and how he made me feel special, chosen, by showing me that he knew he was safe with me. He could sleep deeply and run freely in my care, and he is returning the favor, by giving me an opportunity to say goodbye, which was something I didn't get to do a year ago.
I haven’t even let him go yet, and I already feel that somehow the fluttering inside my heart has slowed. Because like Haze, I also no longer have to run, to constantly feel like I am bracing myself for whatever is coming next. I can relax, settle into the beautiful life I’ve made for myself, enjoy the sunshine and maybe share it from time to time with other wandering souls.
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